Just a Tourist, After All

I was watching a travel show the other day. It was Anthony Bourdain having an amazing adventure in the remote islands in French Polynesia. Bourdain, a cynical and seasoned traveler, swam with sharks, visited Gaugin's grave site and ate raw sea urchins and snails. He met fun and interesting people and stayed in beautifully rustic settings. Bourdain embraced the new and unexpected with wonder and appreciation.

As I was watching, I kept thinking about just how much I would love to do what he did. Travel the world, experience primitive cultures, eat exotic foods and never knowing what to expect. I envisioned myself packing a backpack with only my essentials, heading off into the great wilderness of some foreign land where I didn't know the language. I would make friends all over the world, be daring and bold and fill up the pages of my passport.

Then reality set in.

Who the heck did I think I was? As much as I love travelling to different places and learning about other cultures, I was no Anthony Bourdain.

Did I really think that I could get away with only a backpack and my bare essentials? When I go on vacation, I usually plan out what I will wear on each day. I do try to mix-and-match outfits but there are conservatively 10 separate outfits for a 7 night stay. I always take at least two bathing suits (one of them for "fat days"), one pair of sneakers, two pair of sandals and a pair of dress heals. Then there's make-up, sunblock, lotions, perfume and hair products. I need to take one daily medication but I also bring Tylenol, sleeping medication, Imodium and Pepto (for those over-indulgent dining experiences). I hate the thought of getting somewhere and not having what I need, so I pack as much as I can. I don't think these "essentials" will fit in a backpack, do you?

Then there's the matter of food. I am not a fussy eater. I have tried ostrich, buffalo, conch, poi, various raw seafood and haggis. Much of this I enjoyed but I do draw the line. On one episode, I watched as Bourdain partook a traditional meal with an Inuit family. They all sat on the floor, surrounding a dead seal. They ripped open the seal and ate the raw meat with their hands. Covered in blood and guts, Bourdain proclaimed the meal delicious. Yuck. No bugs, rats, or raw seal for me. I'll stick to eating establishments where there is some kind of health inspection.

In the past, I have slept in a tent, a camper and on the ground. The first year that I volunteered in Romania, the accommodations were an old school building with cockroaches, fleas and giant slugs. The toilets were "European" (i.e., holes in a cement floor that you did "your business" over hoping to hit the hole). The second time I volunteered in Romania, I slept on the floor of an abandoned building with an old hen house converted into an outhouse. Been there, done that. Prefer clean sheets, plumbing and room service.

For me, the most enjoyable part of travelling is the planning. I spend months online researching every resort, eating establishment, activity and attraction. By the time I arrive, I know more about my destination than many of the locals. I have made reservations and booked tours before leaving home. I plan out a detailed itinerary of every day. I love knowing exactly what to expect. Not exactly bold or adventurous.

Who needs food poisoning or bed bug bites for adventure? I will continue to live vicariously through Anthony Bourdain and others on the Travel Channel but with a new-found appreciation of my own limitations. I love being a tourist!