Remote Control?

A few months ago, I allowed my husband to convince me that we needed to switch cable, Internet and telephone providers to Verizon. Our neighborhood had recently gotten FIOS installed and the financial savings and increased speed in getting Internet information was an incentive that could not be refused.

Just when I had gotten the hang of the Comcast remote for the TV, I now found myself with a brand new remote and set of problems to deal with.

The new remote control for my cable television connection has 50 different buttons. Other than the channel selection buttons (numbers and up/down arrows) and the volume control, I haven't a clue what any of the others are for. Somehow I can manage to get into the "menu" screen, which allows me to select from the "On Demand" offerings. I couldn't tell you exactly how I stumble upon this feature, it's like an unexpected gift when I get it right. The rest is a complete mystery.

The installer assured me that this remote would be a piece of cake to use. He demonstrated by flipping around from channel to channel and raved on about the incredible features I now had that would provide me with viewing pleasure I never would have imagined. I found myself just nodding up and down like a bobblehead. His voice began to sound like Charlie Brown's teacher: "Wah, wah, wah, wah, wah..." I knew then that I was in over my head.

There are buttons on this remote that I cannot use because we do not have HDTV (Let's not even go there). There are buttons on the remote that I cannot use because the service has not been activated in my area. There are buttons that cannot be used because they are for features that are being developed. Then there are the buttons labelled "Aspect," and "PIP" which I know for a fact that I will never use.

After I have managed to actually turn the TV on with the cable activated, I now have to figure out what number to punch in to get the station I want. All my channel numbers have changed. Food Network (on the rare occasion I want to see it) used to be 27, it's now 144. Bravo was 50, now it's 165. I have a channel directory provided by Verizon. It lists the nearly 800 stations that I could have access to. By the time I locate the station on the guide and figure out how to tune in, the program is over.

There have been times when I have gotten up in the middle of the night, unable to sleep. In the past, I can turn on the TV and it will provide me with a comforting "white noise" that helps me fall asleep. Recently, I awoke, stumbled down to the couch and turned on the TV. I got a blank screen. Try as I might, I could not get a picture. I pushed a button here, a button there. Nothing. I tried pushing several buttons at once. Nothing. I tried actually reading the 50 page manual. No answers. Finally, I saw it: the "Verizon Hotline" phone number. At 4 o'clock in the morning, I found myself answering "Yes" and "No" questions to an automated voice (very pleasant, I might add). "She" talked me through and with one push of a button, a program appeared on the screen and I had lift-off! Only now I was wide awake.

The remote for the DVD/VCR sysyem has 47 buttons and the stereo system has 42. Once I figure all this out, I'll write a book "Remote Controls for Dummies".

Who actually needs 800 channels anyway? Even with that multitude of choices, we end up watching repeats of "Law and Order" because "There's nothing on."

Where Did Thanksgiving Go?

Here it is, the weekend before Thanksgiving. I can't believe it's here. Maybe that's because all the TV ads and stores are screaming at us to begin our Christmas shopping. Where did Thanksgiving go?

I suppose the retail industry has the need to boost sales with early-shopping specials. That's all well and good. However, I think it's taking it WAY too far when I hear Christmas carols while I'm shopping for Halloween decorations. Why can't they wait until after Thanksgiving? We'll still have the same number of people to buy gifts for.

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. It evokes some of the fondest memories of my childhood: the smell of turkey roasting all day; the anticipation of taking that first bite of delicious, juicy turkey; sitting at the "kids table"; the hot-muggy feeling in the kitchen mingled with the hustle and bustle of activity; the sounds of family members talking and laughing; arguing over the prized legs; pulling on the wishbone until it snapped and a "winner" declared, secure in the knowledge that their wish would come true; leftovers; the satisfying feeling of a full belly and heart.

Thanksgiving, for me, has always meant a time to enjoy the simpler pleasures of good food, loving family and friends. It's a holiday that comes from the heart and nurtures the soul. I always feel connected to a larger force, that I am not alone in this world and thankful for all the blessings of my life.

Happy Thanksgiving to you all.

Confession

I am a junkie. My drug of choice: pop culture. I love it, crave it and find myself lost and incomplete without it.
Let's begin with television. I hate to admit it but my TV is on almost all the time. When guests come over, I try to hide this addiction, keeping it off and silent while I engage in pleasant conversation. No sooner have the guests driven away and it's back on. I need my fix.
My viewing choices do not stress my intellect. While I do enjoy the occasional documentary and will watch the news, my real preference is mindless reality TV. I am not proud of this. This list includes: Wife Swap, Intervention( some irony there, hey?), Hell's Kitchen, Top Chef, Project Runway, The Amazing Race, and American Idol. I just love that ordinary people can do extraordinary things. My favorite shows in the "Drama" or "Comedy" genres include Weeds (is there a trend here?), Californication (such a seedy show), House, Law and Order and Heros. Pure fantasy entertainment.

I will glance at a daily newspaper and flip through the local newspaper but my greatest source of news is People Magazine. I run to my mailbox every Friday, heart beating with anticipation. It's upsetting if I open my mailbox and it's not there. For a moment, I contemplate running out to make a buy instead of waiting patiently for my next weekly delivery. I read it from cover to cover and when I am finished, I begin to crave the arrival of next issue.

No talk-about-issues radio for me. I listen to KISS108fm, a Boston radio station that plays all the current music from rap to rock to country. The morning show features conversations about celebrities, music and gossip. It is like getting a jolt of caffeine in the morning.

There is something slightly seedy and shameful in enjoying these guilty pleasures. I'm on the edge of being labelled "white trash." But I do have my standards. I'll know I've hit rock bottom when I purchase those trashy newspapers (I DO glance at them while waiting in line and hope no one is watching me) or watch Jerry Springer every day (when I am home sick and need some cheering up, I tune in: seeing people more pathetic than myself makes me feel so much better.).

I am sure that I probably need rehab but as Amy Winehouse would say, "No, No, No."

Where to Eat

I love to eat. I don't love to cook. Consequently, we eat out at least once a week. [Note: this used to be more often before Weight Watchers entered my life.] Here are a few of my favorite places. Please feel free to add your own comments and suggestions.

• The Left Bank, formerly Silks at Stonehedge Inn in Tyngsboro. This is our all-time, dress-up-and-be-elegant, special occasion place. The food is exquisite and service is impeccable. They have the largest wine selection in New England, if not the US. Prices are very high but save up and you will not be disappointed. They also have a Sunday brunch that is very good.
• Capellini's in Tewksbury and Methuen. Good Italian, reasonable prices. Go during the week as there will be a wait on weekends.
• Naked Fish in Billerica (actually on the Burlington line). Varied menu highlighting fresh fish. LOVE the tuna sashimi appetizer. Best chocolate martini around. They will take reservations (a HUGE plus on Saturday nights). Prices are moderate.
• Great Wall in Bedford, MA. Chinese food. Order from the menu or choose the large, reasonably priced buffet. Service is very good.
• India Palace in Chelmsford. Fast, friendly service. Indian food cooked by Indians. You can specify "mild" or "hot". The real deal at very good prices. (Thanks, "MC")
• Fishbones in Chelmsford (center of town). I like this place better than Legal Seafood. Fresh, perfectly-cooked fish at moderate prices. The atmosphere is a bit noisy and the service not quite as sharp as I like it but the quality of the food more than makes up for it. (Another "MC" recommendation!)
• Shorty's for Mexican. I know it's a chain but there aren't too many Mexican places to choose from. They have a large menu with good prices. It borders on "utility food" but is always consistent and will do well in a pinch.
• The Common Man. There are several but I've been to the one in Concord, NH (just off the highway). The menu has allot of variety and the prices are good.
• Skipjack's several locations, including Boston. Another seafood place. Prices are steeper but the quality is great.
• Michael Timothy's in Nashua. We went there for the first time for our anniversary last week. The service was excellent and we had a wonderful meal. The menu selection is small with weekly chef specials. Prices were high. We weren't crazy about the loud atmosphere and there is no parking. We'll go back to enjoy the jazz in the lounge on a Saturday night.

For chains we like Outback and Longhorn. For Road grub on the highway, Burger King over McDonald's.

Anyone else with favorites to add?