Truman's Response

Dear Linda

I just read your blog. Very amusing to YOU, I'm sure. However, have you ever considered how I might like being in your shoes every now and then? Here are my top 5 reasons why I would like to be you:

5. You can talk to your friends anytime you want. If you should meet up with a friend on the street, you can take all the time in the world to catch up while I sit by, patiently waiting. On the other hand, whenever I spy a friend, I am allowed only the briefest of "Hello" sniffs and I am interrupted mid-greeting. How's a fella supposed to score a doggie play date?

4. You don't have to wear embarrassing outfits for "special occasions". I hate that Halloween pumpkin costume and even the fancy bandannas are itchy and drive me crazy. I am the laughing stock of the neighborhood and heard through the grapevine that I have been nominated for "What Not To Wear." I am a dog. Please stop dressing me like a human.

3. You don't have to do stupid tricks to get a cookie. I see you going into the kitchen and stuff a treat into your mouth when you think no one is looking. Did you have to "Speak" or "Roll over" to get it? I think not.

2. You can eat whenever and whatever you wish. Once again food comes into play. This is very important to me, as you well know. I get fed at the same time twice each day and the menu never changes much. How lucky you are to have choices and to be able to eat when you are hungry, not just at certain times. [If you feel at all guilty about this, maybe you could slip me some of tonight's chicken? Aw, come on.]

1. Your bathroom habits are kept private. Once again, I am at your mercy. How would you like someone saying, "Hurry up" when you're trying to do your business? Not only that but, try as I might to walk as far from you as possible (I am modest, you know), you are always standing within leash-length, waiting. Talk about pressure. Can you say "performance anxiety"?

While I am certain that there are many aspects of my life that are enviable, you don't have it so bad, either. I own some great people who love and pamper me. Life is good.

Woof! Truman

Dog's Life

Top 5 reasons I wish I were my dog, Truman.

5. I would be able to fall asleep anytime and anywhere. My dog seems to enjoy this pastime and can do it all day long. I've watched him wake up from a nap, walk a short distance and plop down to enjoy another snooze, as if the action of waking and walking a few feet was exhausting. He will fall asleep on floors, couches, beds, in the searing hot sunshine, on the deck, in the grass, and on just about any flat surface. His favorite spot to catch Z's is between our legs on the couch or snuggled in bed between Don and myself. As someone who has difficulties with falling asleep and staying asleep, I'd like to know how Truman does this. I'm sure I could market this talent and make millions.




4. I would never have to think about what or when I would eat. My dog gets fed like clockwork at 6:15am and 5:00pm. If he is not fed at this time, he will stare forlornly at whichever "master" (I use this term very lightly) is available. I would not have to make decisions about what to eat or Weight Watcher points. Though selections are limited (kibble with yogurt for breakfast, kibble with Parmesan cheese for dinner), these two are favorites that have been created through years of trial and error. I would also never have to cook. A HUGE plus!




3. I wouldn't have to listen if I didn't feel like it. Truman has a god-given talent for pretending not to hear or understand a command. Don't get me wrong, he is well-trained. We took him to many, many classes and he was a star pupil, making us so proud with his perfect "sit-stay-comes". He is extremely obedient when there is a treat involved. Oh yes, he CAN do it. There are times, however, when it seems he just cannot bring himself to bother with any request we have for him. His aloof behavior is both frustrating and somewhat endearing. I'd love to be able to ignore something my boss or my husband asks and have them feel tender-hearted toward being ignored. [NOTE: Don says that this is what he calls my "selective hearing" mode and while I have mastered this skill, it is not endearing . He does still feel tender-hearted toward me, though].




2. I could make judgments on people by sniffing them. OK, this one may not appeal to many of you. Truman can size up whether or not to socialize with another dog by sniffing them. Think of the time this saves. No more polite small talk or false pretenses. Truman gets right to the heart (well, maybe not the heart so much as the butt) of the matter. A brief sniffing encounter tells him everything he needs to know about the other. While I am not suggesting that sniffing someones butt should be part an introduction, it would be nice to have a way to gauge a person without spending allot of time getting to know them through small talk. Let's cut to the chase, shall we?




1. There would always be someone behind me to pick up my "poop." I am a good neighbor and conscientious dog owner. If Truman goes potty on someones lawn, I pick it up and dispose of it. I never walk him without having the "tools" to clean up after him. Wouldn't it be lovely to have a personal assistant that could follow me around and clean up whatever messes I've made? Just think about all the "bombs" I could drop and not even have to think about the aftermath. Get caught making an illegal U-turn? "Why Officer, just talk to my assistant, she'll clear up this whole matter." Get a little too tipsy at an employer-sponsored party and wake up the next morning not remembering what I said or did? No problem. My assistant would not only run damage control, she could tell me every embarrassing detail. (She, of course, being the designated driver.)




Truman has a great life.