Dog's Life

Top 5 reasons I wish I were my dog, Truman.

5. I would be able to fall asleep anytime and anywhere. My dog seems to enjoy this pastime and can do it all day long. I've watched him wake up from a nap, walk a short distance and plop down to enjoy another snooze, as if the action of waking and walking a few feet was exhausting. He will fall asleep on floors, couches, beds, in the searing hot sunshine, on the deck, in the grass, and on just about any flat surface. His favorite spot to catch Z's is between our legs on the couch or snuggled in bed between Don and myself. As someone who has difficulties with falling asleep and staying asleep, I'd like to know how Truman does this. I'm sure I could market this talent and make millions.




4. I would never have to think about what or when I would eat. My dog gets fed like clockwork at 6:15am and 5:00pm. If he is not fed at this time, he will stare forlornly at whichever "master" (I use this term very lightly) is available. I would not have to make decisions about what to eat or Weight Watcher points. Though selections are limited (kibble with yogurt for breakfast, kibble with Parmesan cheese for dinner), these two are favorites that have been created through years of trial and error. I would also never have to cook. A HUGE plus!




3. I wouldn't have to listen if I didn't feel like it. Truman has a god-given talent for pretending not to hear or understand a command. Don't get me wrong, he is well-trained. We took him to many, many classes and he was a star pupil, making us so proud with his perfect "sit-stay-comes". He is extremely obedient when there is a treat involved. Oh yes, he CAN do it. There are times, however, when it seems he just cannot bring himself to bother with any request we have for him. His aloof behavior is both frustrating and somewhat endearing. I'd love to be able to ignore something my boss or my husband asks and have them feel tender-hearted toward being ignored. [NOTE: Don says that this is what he calls my "selective hearing" mode and while I have mastered this skill, it is not endearing . He does still feel tender-hearted toward me, though].




2. I could make judgments on people by sniffing them. OK, this one may not appeal to many of you. Truman can size up whether or not to socialize with another dog by sniffing them. Think of the time this saves. No more polite small talk or false pretenses. Truman gets right to the heart (well, maybe not the heart so much as the butt) of the matter. A brief sniffing encounter tells him everything he needs to know about the other. While I am not suggesting that sniffing someones butt should be part an introduction, it would be nice to have a way to gauge a person without spending allot of time getting to know them through small talk. Let's cut to the chase, shall we?




1. There would always be someone behind me to pick up my "poop." I am a good neighbor and conscientious dog owner. If Truman goes potty on someones lawn, I pick it up and dispose of it. I never walk him without having the "tools" to clean up after him. Wouldn't it be lovely to have a personal assistant that could follow me around and clean up whatever messes I've made? Just think about all the "bombs" I could drop and not even have to think about the aftermath. Get caught making an illegal U-turn? "Why Officer, just talk to my assistant, she'll clear up this whole matter." Get a little too tipsy at an employer-sponsored party and wake up the next morning not remembering what I said or did? No problem. My assistant would not only run damage control, she could tell me every embarrassing detail. (She, of course, being the designated driver.)




Truman has a great life.