2007 in Review

Happy New Year, everyone!

At the end of every year I try to look back to the previous 12 months and review the good and bad. So here's a rundown of the year for me:

• JANUARY: Don discovered a lesion inside his mouth. He had it biopsied and discovered it was cancer. Not the best news to get at the very beginning of the year. I remember feeling totally shattered and wondering if Don would ever be able to enjoy good health and we could have some sense of normalcy to our lives.



• FEBRUARY: Adam and Beth got married. The wedding was a very casual affair and Adam and Beth were very happy. After all the struggles that Adam had been through, I was hopeful that this would be a positive new chapter in his life. **Don had surgery on his mouth. While we made the difficult and risky decision to opt for a less-invasive procedure, it was still very involved. Don needed about 6 weeks to recover, during which he had to endure a loathsome feeding tube and great discomfort.



• MARCH: This was a relatively quiet month. After 5 months of dieting, I reached my Weight Watchers goal! I also began training as a fitness instructor at an aerobic studio. I had a sense of accomplishment and pride in my fitness level.



• APRIL: After nearly cancelling this trip due to Don's prolonged healing process, we went on our first cruise. It was so much fun and very relaxing: just what we needed! We stopped in Cozumel, Belize and Costa Maya (had to skip Grand Cayman due to dangerous waves).



• MAY: Don bumps his leg, resulting in a gash that required 10 stitches. Because of his suppressed immune system, the wound became terribly infected and there was some talk about surgery. This freak accident took about 6 weeks to heal.



• JUNE: Leiacha was born about 7 weeks early but healthy. I drove down while Beth was in labor but missed the actually delivery by 90 minutes. I was a "Gammy."







• JULY: I did a shoe-string budget kitchen make-over. The cabinets, counter-tops and tiles all got painted. We added handles to the cabinets and new lighting. Then we purchased a new stainless steel range and replaced the dishwasher door with a new stainless steel one. For less than $1600 I got a kitchen that looks like new!





• AUGUST: I climbed Mt. Washington with some friends. The hike was difficult but greatly rewarding. This was the third time I had done this and each time it became more challenging. I vowed never to attempt this climb again. We'll see. ***Don and I went on vacation. We spent time in New Paltz/wine country New York. We stayed at a wonderful B&B and travelled to numerous wineries, sampling all the way. Then we travelled down to Adam and Beth's to spend time with them and Leiacha.



• SEPTEMBER: Back to school! I was thrilled to be placed with the same students I had the year before.***Barbara and Campbell, our friends from Scotland, came to visit. We had a great time and I am hoping to visit them in the summer.***Leiacha came up from PA with her grandfather and we had her with us for a couple of days. It's great being a Grandmother!



• OCTOBER: Don and I quietly celebrate our 35th wedding anniversary. Don surprised me by designing custom-made postage stamps in honor of the occasion.



• NOVEMBER: Just a quiet month of giving thanks. We participated in throwing a surprise 80th birthday party for Don's dad. It's hard for me to see my father-in-law as 80. I have known him for 38 years and love him like my own dad.



• DECEMBER: This year's Christmas present is a vacation to New Mexico in April! We are hoping to look at real estate in hopes of liking the area so much, we leave the snow and cold of MA and move within the next 1-3 years. ***I got several pieces of great news. One of my dearest friends has a lump in her breast but it is not breast cancer. What a great relief! Makes you realize just how valuable your health and your friends are.

So, that's it. Nothing too earth-shattering. Sounds like allot of tough times with Don's health impacting our lives but this is something we try to live with as best we can. I think the joys in our lives, the happy times and fun far outweighs the difficult times.


Wishing you a happy, healthy 2008!

My Husband's "Mistress"

My husband has a "mistress".

Don's "mistress" crept into our lives during the early years of our marriage, shaking us to the breaking point on many occasions. He has never wanted "her" but despite his efforts, he is unable to get "her" to leave. I have resigned myself to the fact that "she" will be an unwanted part of the rest of our lives.

His "mistress" has created financial hardships. "Her" demands have made it difficult for Don to advance in his career. "She" has pulled him away from work at critical times, diminishing his credibility and impacting his effectiveness. To keep "her" away as much as possible requires us to tap into our household budget regularly, making acquiring savings for vacations, retirement or extras a struggle.

"She" is always on our minds, invading our thoughts and conversations. Don and I have always had honest and often painful discussions about "her" intrusion into our lives. His "mistress" has caused many heated arguments, cruel words and sorrow.

Don's "mistress" has taken him from my bed. He sleeps with "her" every night causing him to toss and turn. Because of "her", Don will often sleep on the couch so as to not disturb me with the restlessness that "she" causes him.

"She" has disrupted vacations. Many times we've had to cancel or reschedule much-needed vacations because "she" needed attention. When we do go away, we are always aware of the limitations that "she" imposes on Don.

Don feels guilty for having this evil "mistress." He never meant to impose "her" on me and he questions why I stay with him through all this turmoil. While I have been pushed to the very edge of despair, the thought of leaving my one true love has never been an option.

Don hates "her". His love and devotion to me are unquestioned. However, "her" ability to wrench him away from me is stronger than our love for each other. And I know, in the end, "she" will ultimately take him away from me.

My husband's "mistress" is his poor health and on-going medical issues.

[Dear family and friends: please forgive me this bitter rant. After coming home from another emergency room trip at 2 in the morning and having to reschedule our vacation to see our new grandbaby, I am hurting. Don is feeling much better, by the way and, thanks to this blog-therapy, so am I.]

Secrets to a Happy Marriage

First of all: there are no secrets.

Don and I will be celebrating our 35th wedding anniversary this October. We have been blessed with 20 very happy years, 10 years of just keeping our heads above water and 5 pretty miserable years.

It's not the happy years that make a marriage. Happy is easy. You just take life as it comes and coast along. I have learned to enjoy the happy years as a reward for all the struggles and hardships that we've been through.

While happy years are the ideal, it's the struggling years that really make a marriage. It's the financial, emotional and medical hardships that can crush a marriage and test it's character. In this age of disposable marriages, it's all too easy to call it quits when the going gets tough. It takes strength, dedication and allot of hard work to overcome challenges in a marriage and fierce determination to make it work.

Don and I have had our struggles and we will continue to face many more. I am proud of what we have built together and the mutual respect and devotion we have for one another. Thirty-five years of love, laughter and many tears have brought us closer together.

No secrets here.